Surviving Social Distancing

 

As I sit in my house, just Coco (my dog) and me, I wonder just how different my life is now that we are “social distancing”. Before I placed Stephan, we were already practicing social distancing because of his dementia. We didn’t leave the house to get groceries, to dine out, to go shopping, to travel, to visit friends or family, or pretty anything else that required walking out the front door. The most we were able to do together in the months prior to his placement was to attend church and that was with a lot of preparation and help.

The big difference now is that my house is completely empty. Before he was placed, there was someone to whom I could make comments while watching TV or a movie. I had multiple aides coming into the house to help me care for Stephan. Hospice workers also came on a regular basis. Now the house is silent except for the sound of my keyboard. 

I have labelled myself a shy extrovert. I love being around people, but I hate meeting new people unless we have a common connection right at the beginning. This silence is particularly hard for me in the absence of human connection. I am missing hugs, human touch, and face to face communication. I cannot touch Stephan since the home is locked down, I cannot hug my friends since we are all “sheltering in place”. 

So, what are some ways to avoid depression in these trying times? How do I get the human connection I am craving? First, nothing will truly take the place of the close proximity of a friend, but there are some things we can do to practice self-care and stave off a little the loneliness.

Many groups such as Bible studies, support groups, and churches are now taking advantage of the technology that is available to us. My Bible study group has already tested out meeting on Zoom and will resume our weekly study this week using this platform. (If you are not familiar with Zoom, it is an online meeting platform that allows multiple people to meet online at the same time. Video conference calling, if you will.) My book club has also considered using this technology. 

I am a little ahead of the curve as I have participated in online clinical trial groups that use similar technology. I am most familiar with Zoom. My best friend and I have been meeting from across the country since I moved over a year ago. When we lived in the same area, we would meet on my back porch with a glass of wine, some cheese or other snacks. Now, we meet on Zoom with a glass of wine and whatever snacks we have available at our own house. We can’t touch or hug, but we are still able to keep our weekly tradition alive. The same format could be used for a morning coffee or lunch together.

Zoom has a free account that allows one to one meetings with no time limit. When you add a third person, the free account is limited to only 40 minutes at a time. Other options include Google Hangouts, and Apple FaceTime. Let us all know in the comments what formats have worked for you.

Another idea I am trying this week works for those of us practicing social distancing (it may not work for a 24/7 caregiver.) One of my friends and I try to have lunch at least a couple of times each month. Now that we cannot meet a restaurant, we have decided to try a “social distancing lunch.” We are going to meet at a park with our respective lunches. We will each stay in our own car and visit with the windows down. Again, we miss the touch of friendship, but we are hoping it will help a little with the isolation. If you are in a state or area that has a “sheltering in place” order, this may not work for you. Fortunately, we are not in that situation and our weather is conducive to this option.

I have seen posts on Facebook that some communities are organizing “bear hunts” and “Easter egg hunts” for children. In these hunts, people are asked to put teddy bears or pictures of colored Easter eggs in their front windows. Parents can then drive their children around to hunt for bears or Easter eggs. If your loved one is able to get in the car and leave the house, this could be a good option for adults as well. Hey, we have to find our thrills wherever they are, right?!

In the absence of social options, take care of yourself. I have tried meditation in the past and wasn’t terribly successful. However, I have a lot of downtime so I’m going to try it again. I have been beta testing an app called “Balance”. I received an email this week that due to the pandemic, the creator of Balance is making a one year subscription to the app free to everyone. 

As this pandemic drags on, we will need to become more and more creative in finding ways to take care of ourselves and to find the social interaction that we need. I’d love to hear what you are doing to keep yourselves sane while practicing responsible social distancing.

If you are surviving well and have the bandwidth, find ways to reach out to others who may not be doing as well. Offer to pick up their groceries, offer to run essential errands for them, or just give them a call to remind them that someone is thinking about them. The ideas I have been touting to care for caregivers will work just as well for everyone in these days of isolation.

Until next time,
Martha