Martha L Garmon

  As I sit in my house, just Coco (my dog) and me, I wonder just how different my life is now that we are “social distancing”. Before I placed Stephan, we were already practicing social distancing because of his dementia. We didn’t leave the house to get groceries, to dine out, to go shopping, to travel, to visit friends or family, or pretty anything else that required walking out the front door. The most we were able to do together in the months prior to his placement was to attend church and that was with a lot of preparation and help. The big difference now is that my house is completely empty. Before he was placed, there was someone to whom I could make comments while watching TV or a movie. I had multiple aides coming into the house to help me care for Stephan. Hospice workers also came on a regular basis. Now the house is silent except for the sound of my keyboard.  I have labelled myself a shy extrovert. I love being around people, but I hate meeting new people unless w...

  When a doctor gives you a terminal diagnosis, many times they say something like, “Get your affairs in order and enjoy life.” At that moment, you just nod and say, “Okay.” Then you go home and you then you stop to think, “Just what does that mean?” Especially with dementia, it is imperative that you revisit all of your estate planning documents as well as some additional documents while the person with dementia is still has legal capacity – the ability to understand and appreciate the consequences of his or her actions. So what are these documents that you need to consider? First, you will want to have Powers of Attorney (POAs) in place for both financial and legal decisions as well as a Healthcare Power of Attorney for medical decisions. Let’s start with the financial POA. This document will allow the person with dementia (the principal) to name another person (the agent) – usually a spouse or trusted family member – to make financial decisions as well as other legal decisions w...

I am quickly navigating a new normal. Stephan went into the state veterans home last week. He is learning to adjust to the home and I am learning to live in a very quiet house. This time last week I had aides twelve hours a day, a bath aide three times a week, and a nurse twice a week coming to our house. This week it is just me and the dogs. Last week I couldn’t leave the house without telling the aide where I was going or arranging for someone to be here if I didn’t have an aide. This week I keep forgetting that I can just leave. Last week I was managing medications, making sure he was eating, helping the aides with transfers, making sure we had enough of everything, and keeping the aides and the nurse up to date on the latest symptoms. This week I am a little lost as I try to fill my time. I realized this week that I don’t like normal because it keeps changing. Just about the time I get used to our new normal, it changes again. I’ve done the research and I know that as the disease p...

This week I’m giving my blog to a friend, Sharon Hall. Sharon was a care partner to her 96-year-old mother who had vascular dementia and died at home under Hospice care with her and her husband, Rod, who has frontotemporal degeneration (FTD). Sharon is an active advocate for FTD, she is an AFTD support group facilitator and educator. Sharon has recently begun to be involved as an e-Patient Ambassador for Coalition of Compassionate Care of California to educate on palliative care. She represents the dementia community in these efforts. Sharon was also the recipient of the 2017 Advocate of the Year Award at NCC17. Caregiving takes a village When a family is given a diagnosis of a serious illness, it is a very difficult time. Whether it be dementia, heart disease, COPD, or cancer, it will change the way you live the rest of your life. Palliative care is the team that discusses your quality of life. They ask what is important to you. They coordinate between your physicians, support the fam...

This week I’m talking about how to help caregivers with stress reduction. There are two big ways you can help in this respect. Respite and Pampering – or BOTH! When I did a presentation on the Care and Feeding of Caregivers, a friend pointed out on one of my PowerPoint slides that I had listed Pampering twice. I saw that she was right and responded, “Well, it’s a good one!” Caregivers are frequently under more stress than you can imagine. Even when we look calm and in control, just under the surface we are a mess. I am blessed to have a lot of paid help caring for Stephan. However, the emotional stress I carry still consumes me on a daily basis. I cannot imagine how I would survive without the help I have. If you can give a caregiver a break, even for just an hour, you will do much to reduce their stress.  First let’s talk respite…. The definition of respite is “an interval of rest or relief.” All caregivers NEED respite. We are “on” 24/7 and we need time to recharge our batteries ...

We have all heard the speech, “Put on your oxygen mask before assisting others.” Yet, as caregivers, we tend to worry about everyone else before we take care of ourselves. With the holiday season upon us, it is critical that we take care of ourselves NOW.  I know all of the excuses – I’ve used them on myself. “Self-care is selfish.” Not only is self-care  not  selfish, it is critical. If I never take a moment for myself, it is a given that I will burnout. If I don’t take care of myself physically, I will eventually get sick or hurt myself. When I am sick or hurt I will not be able to care for my loved one. “There is no one who can take care of him/her like I can.” This is probably true. However, if I burnout, get sick, or get hurt – and I will – someone else will be taking care of them anyway. “I don’t have any help so I don’t have time to take care of myself.” This might be true, but more than likely I haven’t asked anyone. Most of the time I wait for someone to offer; I...