Martha L Garmon

I am quickly navigating a new normal. Stephan went into the state veterans home last week. He is learning to adjust to the home and I am learning to live in a very quiet house. This time last week I had aides twelve hours a day, a bath aide three times a week, and a nurse twice a week coming to our house. This week it is just me and the dogs. Last week I couldn’t leave the house without telling the aide where I was going or arranging for someone to be here if I didn’t have an aide. This week I keep forgetting that I can just leave. Last week I was managing medications, making sure he was eating, helping the aides with transfers, making sure we had enough of everything, and keeping the aides and the nurse up to date on the latest symptoms. This week I am a little lost as I try to fill my time. I realized this week that I don’t like normal because it keeps changing. Just about the time I get used to our new normal, it changes again. I’ve done the research and I know that as the disease p...

This week I’m giving my blog to a friend, Sharon Hall. Sharon was a care partner to her 96-year-old mother who had vascular dementia and died at home under Hospice care with her and her husband, Rod, who has frontotemporal degeneration (FTD). Sharon is an active advocate for FTD, she is an AFTD support group facilitator and educator. Sharon has recently begun to be involved as an e-Patient Ambassador for Coalition of Compassionate Care of California to educate on palliative care. She represents the dementia community in these efforts. Sharon was also the recipient of the 2017 Advocate of the Year Award at NCC17. Caregiving takes a village When a family is given a diagnosis of a serious illness, it is a very difficult time. Whether it be dementia, heart disease, COPD, or cancer, it will change the way you live the rest of your life. Palliative care is the team that discusses your quality of life. They ask what is important to you. They coordinate between your physicians, support the fam...

This week I’m talking about how to help caregivers with stress reduction. There are two big ways you can help in this respect. Respite and Pampering – or BOTH! When I did a presentation on the Care and Feeding of Caregivers, a friend pointed out on one of my PowerPoint slides that I had listed Pampering twice. I saw that she was right and responded, “Well, it’s a good one!” Caregivers are frequently under more stress than you can imagine. Even when we look calm and in control, just under the surface we are a mess. I am blessed to have a lot of paid help caring for Stephan. However, the emotional stress I carry still consumes me on a daily basis. I cannot imagine how I would survive without the help I have. If you can give a caregiver a break, even for just an hour, you will do much to reduce their stress.  First let’s talk respite…. The definition of respite is “an interval of rest or relief.” All caregivers NEED respite. We are “on” 24/7 and we need time to recharge our batteries ...

We have all heard the speech, “Put on your oxygen mask before assisting others.” Yet, as caregivers, we tend to worry about everyone else before we take care of ourselves. With the holiday season upon us, it is critical that we take care of ourselves NOW.  I know all of the excuses – I’ve used them on myself. “Self-care is selfish.” Not only is self-care  not  selfish, it is critical. If I never take a moment for myself, it is a given that I will burnout. If I don’t take care of myself physically, I will eventually get sick or hurt myself. When I am sick or hurt I will not be able to care for my loved one. “There is no one who can take care of him/her like I can.” This is probably true. However, if I burnout, get sick, or get hurt – and I will – someone else will be taking care of them anyway. “I don’t have any help so I don’t have time to take care of myself.” This might be true, but more than likely I haven’t asked anyone. Most of the time I wait for someone to offer; I...

“Let me know if there is anything I can do?” Caregivers hear this phrase a lot. We know you are sincere, but most of us do not want to ask for help. It is much easier to accept when a specific offer is made. Many of the things we need are mundane and it seems wrong to ask help with chores. However, if you offer to do something specific, it doesn’t feel as awkward. If you live nearby, ask if you can help with routine errands such as picking up or returning library books or DVDs. Say, “Hey, I’m going to the library, do you need me to pick up a book or do you have any books you need returned?” or “I’m going to the Redbox, do you have any movies you would like to see or any that need to be returned?” I know in my household, movies and books are frequently forgotten until the last moment and at the most inconvenient time. (Thankfully, I have gone almost entirely digital or I would be paying late fees continually!) If you make regular trips to the library or video store you could make a stan...

  Caprese salad in a wonton cup This is one of Stephan’s favorite phrases. He starts about 4:30 pm asking, “When’s dinner?” I usually try to put him off until 5:30 pm, but the request just gets more and more urgent the longer I wait. I could give him a hamburger every night and he would be fine with that, but frankly, I get bored and, as much as I like to cook, there are some days that I am just not up to the task.  What are some ways to make buying groceries and preparing meals a bit easier? Let’s start with groceries. When Stephan first was diagnosed, I could still leave him at home by himself long enough to go to the grocery store. I could even take him with me and he could help with the grocery shopping. We had an app on our phones that allowed us to share the grocery list. I could send him off to retrieve items on the list while I found other items.  As the disease progressed, I was able to leave him for shorter and shorter amounts of time and taking him with me was ...

  That’s the first thing that comes to mind when you hear that someone is facing a crisis, illness, death, etc. I’m an excellent cook (I was a finalist in the Cook of the Week competition in Chicago), but even I am thankful for the meals that are delivered by friends. There are some pros and cons to bringing meals to a caregiver. There are also alternatives to bringing a casserole that will work whether you live down the street or across the country.  First let’s discuss the pros and cons of bringing meals. Pros for the caregiver include not having to cook one or more nights, fewer nights for meal planning, and less time and money spent at the grocery store. All of these pros help to conserve the caregiver’s energy and resources at a time when these resources are being stretched to the limit. It may seem like a small thing, but sometimes a small thing is all we need to remind us that we are not alone. Cons for the caregiver include getting too many meals at once, getting food ...